Kiss
Puke
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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