For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will be naked everywhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
