Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
