The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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