No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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