Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
