Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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