I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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