im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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