In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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