she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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