tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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