so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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