girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You ruined the universe
Randomize
