I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
