And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize