Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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