Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
