you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
