Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
