I am in a vortex of obligation.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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