why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
