I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We need to get me chipped asap
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
