It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
