first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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