We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
