omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
