your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize