In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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