my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
