he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
