loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
