This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
