I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
