I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
