MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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