He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
