You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
