wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize