but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
