I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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