I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize