awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
