They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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