Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
