the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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