Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
