Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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