Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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