Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
