He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
