capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
