on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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