can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
