At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize