he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
