I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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