i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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