well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
