when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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