I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
