in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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