I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
