I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
