Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wear drunk well.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
