yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
