She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
