Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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