I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
