I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
