Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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