why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He better not be in your backpack
Come share oat with me in your robe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
